Getting ready for 'Civilizational Erasure'

Some helpful tips on being prepared

I’m sure that all across Europe there must be many like me, feeling more than just a little irritated by Donald Trump announcing this week that our continent is facing ‘the stark prospect of civilizational erasure’. Or am I being complacent and some of you really are quaking in your boots? Either way, it’s a curious way of phrasing it, but I think we know what he means, but what makes it even more bizarre is that this wasn’t one of his regular nonsensical utterings to the press, it is actually written into the US National Security Strategy. This is in itself reads like a surreal crash course in totalitarianism, and there has been no shortage of expert journalistic analysis out there if you want to learn more.

Trump also called Europe’s leaders ‘weak’ and ‘decaying’. Kettle on the left, pot on the right.

But considering the sort of content one might expect to find in a ‘security strategy’, this is a strange place indeed to find Trump’s musings on the future of Europe. The document states that European civilization, which has been maturing nicely over the last few millenia, could be gone within 20 years, which we can assume that Trump must view as a threat to US security. But there is a sinister implication in all of this, because for these words to be taken seriously, they must have been written with the sort of certainty that only the perpetrators of such an apocalypse could deliver. Whatever the reasoning, let’s not forget about Trump’s legendary cognitive ability, and just ensure that we’re properly prepared to be erased when the time comes. So wherever you are in Europe, here are my top tips:

1. Wear something comfortable.

2. In preparation for whatever Trump says next, keep in mind that ‘having dementia’ is not the same as ‘being demented’. And that they are not mutually exclusive.

3. Enjoy a few of those final moments listening to ‘80s synth-pop duo Erasure, and some of their catchy melodies.

   

   Paris 20 years from now - according to ChatGPT

4. Watch the skies for that fleet of flying erasers with US flags on the side.

5. Relish the prospect of never having to watch England play cricket again.

6. Put the kettle on.

7. Er……

8. That’s it

It’s ironic isn’t it, that the greatest threat to Europe right now, is not Russia or immigration, but Trump’s America.